Thursday, July 27, 2006

Your life's purpose.. Revealed!

Ok pare, been very busy na naman for the past few days because of the uber daming paperworks I need to finish pa. Shit kasi the bagyos that made pahangin here sa Pinas for the past couple of weeks.

Ok lang sana if it obliterated all of the squatter areas together with all the baho inhabitants... kaso hindi pare eh. Kasi naman, when I passed by coastal road yesterday with my stoopid driver, all of the native barong-barongs were still there. How I wished na it got all swept away na lang by the strong winds that came with the bagyo diba pare? Para I dont have to cover pa my nose when passing through that part of the metro. (Yes pare. The stench was really that lakas to penetrate pa inside my car with all the windows closed na. I mean, those natives really have to invest na for a decent comfort rooms no. Kawawa naman kasi the creek alongside the road, it was really fufu-infested na! The hell talaga pare.) Funny pa pare one house I saw near the Naia-Macapagal intersection, it was really nipis talaga! It was like one fathom lang if you made it sukat... as in! Not only that pare, it has 3 storeys pa! I mean, are they trying to make patawa ba? I wondered nga if they have stairs pa inside or they use vines na lang to go up and down that house. Sabagay, they're not different naman from monkeys pare eh.

So yun na nga diba? Good thing I still have time pa rin to entertain myself inspite of the uber busy schedule that I have. Come to think of it pare, the natives have some use naman pala. All along kasi, I thought they were all useless. Its pretty clear naman na their purpose in life is to entertain people like me diba? I mean, it'll be nice if they were all gone but still pare, uber happiness is not good din for my emotional well-being. Without them, I won't be able to enjoy a balance life na. Just imagine pare, I will be smiling na all the time. Its hirap kaya sa jaws and baka some people will think pa na I'm like retarded na. No way pare!...

Actually, I made a reflection on it last night nga eh. It was a cycle all along. I am benefiting from them for emotional well being and they are benefiting from me through the jobs our companies generated. Bottom line is, they should thank God for giving a gift like me to mankind. Humn... that made perfect sense diba pare?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Why me pare???

Ahhhh! Can't sleep pare! Kanina pa ako trying to sleep by making my eyes pikit pero its useless talaga! Shit! Shit! Shit! There are soo many things inside my head right now. So many fucking pampagulo thoughts thats been crowding my head like giera. I was making my head kalog na nga pare just to get rid of those fucking thoughts pero it keeps on bugging me pa rin. Shit naman kasi kanina the thing I saw pare. Of all people, why me pa? I mean there are so many fucking loser punks out there tapos I was the one chosen pa to witness that incident....Ahhhhhh! Goodluck saken pare. The hell!

Tangina. Just imagine pare, I was on my way to Ortigas kanina with my stupid driver when suddenly, out from nowhere, a baho katutubo was knocking furiously on my car. He was asking for help because he was being held up daw and the holduppers were still after him. The hell talaga pare! What was he thinking ba? Do I look like a cop ba? I mean, I don't eat patolas nga tapos I'll carry pa one. No way pare! And besides, I'm not that bobo pare just to let some baho stranger with a lame story inside my car. I'm all talino kaya to fall for something as pathetic like that.

So yun na nga diba? My driver was like all scared pa and was really shaking when he told me that the guy was bleeding on the side. And not only that pare, HE EVEN COMMANDED ME to let the guy in. I mean, who's the boss ba? So I just told him to shut up and ignore the guy and get the hell out of that place. I told na lang the kulit native to ask for help from other people because my car was not designed to bring dying patients no. I gave him na lang 500 bucks to buy for himself some band aids and alcohol to stop the bleeding because the blood is starting to smell like lansa na. So there, another good deed na naman for me pare.

Ok na sana the incident eh. Kaso my stupid mom lang talaga was like pampasira ng aura. When I got home kasi kanina and told her about the incident, she told me na, "You should have helped the guy hijo. Kawawa naman. What if that guy is the breadwinner of his family tapos mamatay dahil hindi mo tinulungan?" I mean... do'h!!! It's not my fault that he got held up kanina. Probably he was flashing his celfone while waiting for a ride. So it was his fault not mine. Tanga kasi that guy eh.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Crazy Japanese (must watch!)

Was browsing the web kanina pare when I came across this uber hilarious video feed. Proof that Japanese are crazy people.. true pare! Hahaha!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Feeling the Drift

Shit talaga the couple of weeks that I had pare. I was too busy juggling my time between personal and professional life that I sometimes tend to make kalimot na my other commitments. Useless naman kasi the native secretary that I have. She's like walang alam talaga pare but to make pacute. As if naman I will make her pansin no. I hate bobo girls kaya. Not to mention stupid and nincomputerate pa! Don't want to elaborate na pare bout her kabobohan because I'm having breakouts na just by talking about stupid people.

So yun na nga diba? I was really hilo na because of the tons of commitments tapos some natives working for us are all bobo pa. It's like 99.9 percent of them don't have brains pare. Kaya naman my talino was like always drained because I am doing na all the thinking for them. Been thinking na nga of acquiring the position of my dad as the "fireman" of our company because I've been dying to fire na all of the bobo natives.

Buti na lang the Mario Badescu skin care package I ordered online from arrived kaninang morning lang pare. I think kasi na the roac treatment is not enough na to handle the stress I'm experiencing almost everyday. The price nga naman you have to pay just to maintain your goodlooks pare. But its ok lang, Dra. Munoz of Belo is like so lapit lang sa office namin.

Also pare, been reading nga pala the book of Connie Shelton which I borrowed from an editor friend. Been thinking na kasi of writing my own book and publishing it. I can feel na nga the Pulitzer prize talking to me pare. As in major connection! Actually, that's my true calling naman eh, to become a writer. Thanks nga pala to all the publishers emailing me and urging me to write a book. I'm working on it na. ;)

Hilariously Stoopid was unable to report last Wednesday pare, because the old native was like may sakit ata, which made me very happy because I got the chance to drive na naman for myself. Siempre pare, I felt na naman the drift while taking all the curves. Coolness talaga pare my uber bilis driving. Sayang lang talaga na I haven't got the chance to make bangga some orcs crossing the streets of Ayala. Probably they're all inside na the PUVs that time so I enjoyed my uber bilis driving na lang.

So I called na lang a chick who's been dying to go out with me pero I was the one who was making pakipot kasi she's not my type pare. Claude was not available na naman kasi that time pare because she's like so inlababo sa panget nyang boylet. Sabagay, they're soo bagay naman pare. Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, so I decided to invite na lang the girl who's been drooling to have dinner with me at the Kitchen, Greenbelt 3. I'm not all bad naman kasi pare. I have the gift naman of making other people's dreams into reality no. I guess its ok to do good from time to time din. I have a soft spot din naman in my puso for other people. Afterall, I'm still human and not bato pare.

After dinner, I invited her to go to church at Baclaran. Because its been quite tagal na since the last time I visited that place. I would like to pray lang na sana bigyan na ni Lord ng brains ang other people para wala ng stupid sa mundo pare. And sana wala na all the masa together with their kadire houses. Na that the Billions of pesos allotted for the pork barrels of the greedy officials be given na lang to some decent housing projects and some livelihood programs for all the baho natives. Para wala ng eyesore sa kalsada. Also, sana wala ng poser sa Ayala and hope that some people (specially orcs) will learn on how to act according to their appropriate social strata and means and that they get rid na of their baho outfits.

So there.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Stupid Movie.

Ok pare, was really uber bored kanina so I decided to watch Superman Returns at Glorietta 4. I texted Claude and Jeff but it seemed the two were out na naman. So I called na lang the girl Claude introduced to me at Max Brenner, a couple of weeks ago. We traded number kasi before. Actually, she asked for my number pare. See pare, I'm that hot! Kaya girls are all making kulit to my friends for my number. Her looks is kinda ok naman. The 'pwede na' type. The only problem lang pare is her height. She's like an arm rest lang kasi pare. Pero I'm cool naman with it so ok na.

She replied after five rings with "Who's this?". I was tahimik lang on the other side. Shit talaga pare! Major turnoff talaga! So I made putol na lang the line. I hate kasi burara girls. Obviously she lost the card I gave her at Max Brenner. Sayang talaga pare. I gave her a chance pa naman to be with me and she blew it pa. She's bobo kasi.

Good thing my mom was out kanina so I got the chance to drive for myself without Hilariously Stoopid messing with my aura.

So yun na nga diba? I was like riding on air with my uber bilis driving and it only took me 5 minutes (which would normally take 30 minutes with Hilariously Stoopid driving) from our house to Glorietta. Can't wait na nga for Drag Racing Pinoy to reopen their site kasi I think I belong to that group. I can even do the drift na nga pare while driving pababa at Rufino towers. Eh Rufino is notorious pa naman for having the narrowest parking pababa and paakyat ng floors. Yeah pare, I'm that galing talaga at driving so there's no point na talaga in hiring stupid natives as my driver pa.

I got the last full show at cinema 2 (11 PM)... kasi all the earlier show time were all sold out na pare. So I made tambay na lang at Starbs while enjoying a cup of chino. I made no pansin na lang at the all the loser-poser orcs making lipana around the cinema floor. I made it clear that my seat is far from the masa-crowded timezone which is full of baho natives that time... probably waiting for Superman din. I focused na lang my attention to my cup of chino for the solid caffeine rush. Dami kasing attention-getters sa crowd and they are irritating my aura. Good thing bilis lang mag fly ng oras kanina...

After the movie, I was like really disappointed talaga pare because of the uber daming flaws. I mean, Superman Returns is the year's most stupid movie made for stupid people and I am the one tasked to figure that out. Really disturbing talaga pare...

1. Diba pare, Superman and Lex Luthor were of the same age lang? Diba nga friends pa sila before they became enemies. How come sa movie, Lex was portrayed as matanda na?

2. Correct me if I'm wrong pare pero I dont recall Superman and Lois Lane having sex to produce a child which is hikain pa!

3. Up to now, sumasakit pa rin my brain thinking how come nobody still can't figure out that Clark Kent is Superman provided all the people at Daily Planet are fond of detective work since most of them are journalists/reporters nga. Are they all that stupid talaga or may magic powers lang talaga the eyeglass of superman, rendering him incognito whenever he wears it.

4. What's with the kulot na bangs pare? I mean its pretty obvious naman na straight hair ni Clark sa movie tapos whenever he change into Superman na, the kulot bangs suddenly appear.

5. Superman is gay. Just notice the leg position whenever he lift his feet off the ground. Kadiri pare no?

6. Superman is laging handa pare. because he only needs to make hawi lang his clothes to reveal his costume. I mean, super lambot ba his costume for no one to notice it while at work. Specially the Superman boots which he always wear under his black shoes (?)!. The layered getup must be really init pare.

Now I know where the orcs got their style in layered clothing. Kaya naman I'll bet an arm and a leg that Superman has BO pare.

7. There was an incident sa movie pa where Lois Lane was slammed on the head by the vault's door which was made entirely out of steel. She fell pa nga unconcious sa tubig. The question is, how come she suffered no bukol? Not even minor bleeding pare. Eh it was like very lakas kaya ng pagkaka-slam on her head. Probably she's hard core pare. Internal hemorrhage in the head. Big time!

8. After an earthquake, there should be a big tidal wave. That was missing pare. I anticipated pa naman that part.

Dami pa sana pare.. pero I really have to hit the sack now. It's morning na pala. Basta, I'm giving the movie -10 out of 10 because it sucked... as in major!

Later pare.