Friday, February 08, 2008

Splendid at Starbs

Tangina talaga dude the ultimate poser I've seen at Starbs greenbelt kanina. I was with Claude kasi making pakinig na naman to all the litany of the drama princess. The bitch kasi broke up na naman with her quasi-boyfriend. Eh my head pa naman was like really sabog because of the tons of business projects i'm drafting right now. So when she asked for my advise, I just told her to just have sex na lang with a dog no. Tutal she's a total bitch naman so it wouldn't make any difference. And besides pare, there's no difference naman between dogs and her native boyfriends. Shes after the dicks lang naman so it doesn't really matter if its an orc, a native or a dog. And the ingrata made simangot lang tapos made lambing na for me to treat her daw. And being the sweet friend that I am pare, I made pauto na lang so I got her free water by the cup. The hell no! Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, going back to my story dude, when I made pila na to order, lo and behold pare, there was an oily orc infront of me that was talking to another orc. Eto ka dude, speaking in loud dollars talaga! Kaya naman kumulo na naman my blood. Another balat mahirap trying hard to fit in at Starbs. I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa? Also, I even wondered why that oily orc is still alive pare. An old friend once told me kasi that Oiliness is next to Ugliness. Ugliness is next to Death. Therefore, OILINESS is DEATH! So why the hell an oily orc was still alive?! Ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid pare? Good thing I have my hanky with me so I made takip na lang my nose. Hirap na pare to inhale death no! So yun na nga diba? It was torture talaga dude listening to the boses-pekpek na voice of that oily orc... Perfectly matching the ridiculous pekpek-shorts getup. It was really disguting talaga pare I tell you. Not attractive at all. The only thing she was attracting are the flies from outside. As in!

Good thing one barista noticed me and asked for my order of double tall non-fat extra-dry cup of chino agad or else, I would have ran out of Starbs and transferred to Coffeebean agad with the crying Claude on the side. Eto ka dude, the oily orc made singit with her pekpek voice and made galit at the kawawang barista. Tangina, no rights pare! No rights at all! So I made tingin sama at the orc and said politely right in her face, "Excuse me miss, you don't look the part so spare the poor barista!" The bitch's face turned red tapos she went outside na. Right decision pare because Claude was at my side na or else she'll feel the wrath of the bitch goddess a.k.a Claude. Hahaha.

Eto pa pare, while waiting for our drink, another orc asked for some splenda from the baristas. Here's the scenario:

Orc: Meron kayong SPLENDID?
Barista: SPLENDID sir?
Orc: Yeah SPLENDID. Yung sweetener.
Barista: Ahhhh.. Splenda sir.
Orc: Yeah, that's what I've said.
Barista: okaay.

Claude: OMG! A whole new world? Shining, Shimmering, SPLENDID!
Moi: Zip it Jasmine. Hahaha.

40 comments:

Kanaete said...

turned out to be a very funny day hahahahaha ok din ung claude, depressed pa sya sa lagay na yan xD

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! Splendid amf. Di na lang kasi dineretso sa sweetener, pahiya tuloy. HAHA! halatang super poser tlga. go cofibean! you rock my socks! hahaha

Anonymous said...

BWAHAHA... Ayos ah... Splendid... geez, kakahiya...

MaLt- said...

haha :D SPLENDID! the best! pa-sosyal pa kasi.. pwede naman sweetener lang! :D haha

McRey said...

Wahahaha...

sana yung cluade na lang ang umaway.. pra malaman naman namin kung mabangis din siya.

Sino ba mas mabangis sa inyong dalawa?

misty said...

oh gosh galing mo mag advice ah. :))
anyweiz..
link ex?

Anonymous said...

my three most favorite lines:
- just have sex na lang with a dog
- ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid?
- Meron kayong SPLENDID?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha .. Poser kasi eh .. kakahiya.

more blogs to come huh ..

na miss ko to!

Anonymous said...

i wonder kung ano itsura mo.. bading orc ka! magdala ka ba ng umiiyak sa starbs.. u'r really making it all up.. Dapat hindi ka sa call center dapat writer ka na lang ng mga natives at orcs.. kasi yun lang ang alam mo... total magaling kang story-teller..

fuck you!!!

Anonymous said...

"BALAT MAHIRAP" hahahha

Anonymous said...

may ganun talagang factor?

Anonymous said...

It's just so sad how you see yourself as "sosyal" just because you hang out at Starbucks. Starbucks is such a commoner place to hang out... i.e. commoner feeling "sosyal". Starbucks is all over the place and is so tacky and honestly their coffee isnt all that great, its just common. Starbucks is just a place to get coffee when your on your way to work or class and have no other decent place to get coffee from because Starbucks is just everywhere and so in-your-face its annoying!
Starbucks is such a common PINOY thing, only PINOYs find it such a 'treat' so hang out at starbucks. You find yourself different from your 'so called' natives? No your not! Your just a native trying to dissociate yourself with your own culture, which I feel is the most pathetic thing in the world. If your not Pinoy/native, then what are you? Thats right...NOTHING... just a non-pinoy wannabe!

Oh and BTW... tagalog ba talaga or English PARE... make up your mind. Because your konyoness is so pathetic and death to my ears (if ever I had the misfortune of actually hearing you speak), your speech/writing is an affront and insult to all the Filipinos who actually talk pure English... wannabe...

Anonymous said...

what's claude's number? i can give her a dick if she needs one. :-) btw, what the heck are you doing at starbucks? if you want real coffee then go somewhere else that does not commercialise coffe. go to a real cafe.

huh? said...

Galing talaga .... hahah.... galing mu talaga gumawa ng kwento ...

jigs said...

hahaha. your posts get more stupid every time. what a nice diversion. hahahahahah. how do you make these up? hahahahaha. Starbucks katip is cool dood!

Anonymous said...

cofibean scandal!

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2007-5/1258104/mypic(1).jpg
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2007-5/1258104/mypic(0).jpg
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2007-5/1258104/mypic(6).jpg

no wonder ur not posting that often!

keep it up pare lupit ng girls mo!

Anonymous said...

isa ka sa mga orcs na binabanggit mo. orc ka din no! tingnan mo nga kung pano ka magsalita. Para kang nanggaling sa squatter's area! :P

Anonymous said...

hey guys cool lang kayo....spare this orc in denial guy.

Anonymous said...

at long last, a new post!!!
missed you cofi!!!
dai orcs! daii!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yo, Kofi!

It's been awhile since you posted something new!

Whassup?

Ellaine said...

your blog really makes my day... haha!

Anonymous said...

i agree... dapat talaga hindi ka pumunta ng starbucks...

you're PATHETIC...

sa mga blogger na nakita ko, ikaw ang pinakawalng-kwenta.

you call your natives---ano nga ba yon?---there, "jologs and katutubos"...?!

you look more uncivilized, the way you speak...mag-rereklamo ang american citizens kung pano mo babuyin yung dialect nila...

dapat i-private mo tong "journal" mo, nang hindi ka na mapahiya...konti lang ata yung nakaka-appreciate, eh...

Anonymous said...

>lol< your posts are so funny!

...

Are you gay?

Coz i don't think any guy would think, act, and talk like you claim to do..

Martin said...

I dunno why some people just wouldn't leave you be. I mean, this is your blog after all, thus, you have all the right to put whatever you want.
I mean, kung ayaw nila, why not just leave diba? So immature.

Anyways, wow. Panalo yun ah. SPLENDID? What the hell? Buti na lang pala you had your hanky with you.

Long live cofibean!

Anonymous said...

fuck you cofibean! and all the people who's down with cofibean, fuck you too!

Arbie said...

OMG One of your best post so far! Keep it up!

HOY Loser orcs who hate Cofibean's guts. Just shut the hell up okay? Coz you'll never be as close to his greatness for all you loser lives!!

tiny.♥ said...

chill pill, anyone?

err. didn't you read the disclaimer? if you really hate his posts, then why bother read it? this is HIS blog, afterall.

if these stories weren't true, he still kicks ass. he's a great writer then.

and yeah, he speaks gay [as you often describe it], but it is undoubtedly funny. right? i mean, here you are, reading it. even posting comments.

so, personality check people. this is HIS, we're in his zone; he's the author and we are JUST HIS readers.

Anonymous said...

hoy cofi kaylan kapa nakalabas sa mandaluyong? I doubt na magaling kana, patingin ka uli sa psychiatrist. mukhang maynatitira pa jan sa utak mo. ADIK!!

Anonymous said...

hoy cofi kaylan kapa nakalabas sa mandaluyong. I doubt na magaling kana. patingin ka uli sa psychiatrist mukhang maynatitira pa jan sa utak. ADIK!!

SpiCyAnGeL said...

goddamn genius you are cofi bean, dang! your posts are fun!

Anonymous said...

hayyyy nako cofibean!!pasaway ka,superdupermegaover sa ka OAhan..praning and walang magawa..cguro dami mo hung ups sa buhay kaya ganito ka..pretending to be someone else!!

Anonymous said...

nakakagulat, na buhay pa ang blog na ito, dati agent pa lang ako sa call center eh binabasa ko pa ito (2006)pero ngayon TL na ko di parin nagbababgoo..hehehe

Anonymous said...

you are an excellent writer.
whether what you say is true or not, i still find it amusing to read your entries.

Anonymous said...

Hi... I have a friend at pareho kayong ugali at rich, kaya vibes tayo eh. By the way, I like Claude. Ina-idolize ko siya. I wanted to be a BITCH GODDESSS a.k.a Morgana.

Anonymous said...

you think as if you're the only one allowed to buy coffee from starbucks? and come on! where did you get that "starbs" thing? i bet you're one of those social climbing biatch...

Anonymous said...

dude where the fuckin' hell did you get the term "STARBS" you shithole, don't you know that the tern "starbs" in the US is used by your so-called "orc" in there? The right slang for it, is SB or Sbucks if you will... but "STARBS?" fuck no! you're so pathetic that you're trying to make yourself look "cool", but you're not. Sorry pare, you fail to amuse me... You're just one of the million arrogant-kid, trying get attention.

BTW dude, You better ask for a physician's help, coz' you definitely need one!

Quote from your blog: "I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa?"

Dude! you're mum told me that one last night when I did her....

ellaine said...

hey people, don't you get it? cofibean's just making a fun blog out of reality through parody. and those who hate this guy (and post hate comments) are the main character of his well manicured obra.

get over it guys. his blog is super funny and if you hate this guy it just mean one thing - you don't have a common sense.

Anonymous said...

I have a big dick. Tirahin ko kayong dalawa ni Claude. Gusto mo yun, di ba, bakla ka? hahaha

Anonymous said...

hi cofibean! :)

pukinang ina mo kang hindutin ka. bwakanang ina mo kang iyutin ka.

sumipsip ka ng uten at burat.

more blogs to come!

lovelots! mwah!

Anonymous said...

MATAPOBRENG HANGAL.