Ok pare, I know its kinda tagal na rin since the last time I posted something here. I was kinda busy rin kasi juggling my schedules lately. My stupid secretary kasi was like bobo rin in managing my time. Anyways, just got home nga pala from a night out with my mom. Actually, t'was all purely coincidental that we had a date kanina. Just got kasi my privilege card from Peninsula a couple of weeks ago and I have this complimentary dinner with them (also a special room night). Unfortunately, I made my reservation sabay sa event of my mom with her other fabolosa kalachuchi friends. I called my mom's group, the circle of the kalachuchis because they all smelled like one pare. We have kasi that tree at the back of our farm house in Batangas, so I could easily make the comparison. Tangina talaga pare, my mom kasi coerced me to make mano pa and beso beso with her friends eh. So I was making timpi lang not to wipe agad my face with my hanky because the smell was like really disgusting talaga. And besides, its their reunion no and I'm not a part of their circle kaya. So I just told my mom that I have to leave them because I have a reservation pa at the Nielsen's. They were are the glass atrium lobby kasi. So yun na nga diba. Just bought lang saglit a sourdough bread at the Peninsula Hotel Bakery because everything was like discounted na. Then I called Hilariously Stoopid to pick them up, as usual, the old native was like nanginginig na naman when he got inside the hotel. He's not used to that kind of setting daw kasi. Ang pathetic no? I mean, he's not going to have an overnight stay there or something naman.. I just asked him to pick up the bread and thats it. Ambisyoso old fool no?
Anyways, I just presented my card and told them that I have a reservation made by my agent, June Lopez. The attendant directed me to my table and the rest was history na pare. The buffet spread was really good talaga. I literally pig out kanina. Good thing I ate alone or else I wont enjoy the food as much as I did kanina. Tanga kasi all the people I invited eh. I remember texting a dozen of my friends and none of them replied back. Probably all of their fones are lowbatt na pare. Kasi I even called 3 of my friends, ilang rings lang then busy tones na agad. When I tried to call them again, cannot ba reached na. They've missed out on a great treat pare. So bobo kasi nila for not charging their fone diba. I mean, its not everytime that I call.
Anyways, when I got out of Nielsen's, I thought of checking muna G4 since mukhang tagal pa matatapos my mom. So, I texted Hilariously Stoopid to make me hatid muna. I waited for 15 minutes but no native driver came so I called him instead.. Tangina pare, he was out of reach daw. So yun na nga diba. Since nasa kanya the valet parking ticket I have no choice but to walk na lang papunta to Glorietta. Of all tanginang koopal dude, Hilariously Stoopid was outside lang pala near the cascading water thingie of The Peninsula Manila chatting with one of the native guards. Ciempre diba, I was really infuriated talaga so I made sigaw na to the matandang koopal what on hell was he doing there eh I was texting him kaya like forever. Tapos the native guard pa made tingin at me like sama. So I shouted nga ulit at Hilariously Stoopid in pure english pare. I said na lang, "Are you natives ba planning to take a dip in the cascading thingie? Well, I guess you should! Both of you are really smelly na. I can smell you guys from inside ha! And believe me, its really shitty talaga!" So yun na nga diba, since I was really intimidating while shouting at the top of my voice, the native guard talaga was really pahiya. I'm like a VIP member kaya of Peninsula no. And they should make tabi whenever I pass through. Shitty minimum wage earners. I made galit na to Hilariously Stoopid infront of the baho guard to show him that natives are below me no. So yun na nga diba. Since I'm walking na naman, I just told him to please find a signal na lang for his mumurahing phone. I will check something lang kasi at Glorietta. Been drooling na kasi over the next Harry Potter book.
So there pare, good thing, he made sagot agad when I called him. I was like inis pa naman when I found out that the book is not yet out. Probably I'll make balik na lang ulit on Monday.
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62 comments:
a lot of flaws man! pure english ba toh: "So I shouted nga ulit at Hilariously Stoopid in pure english pare. I said na lang, "Are you natives ba planning to take a dip in the cascading thingie? Well, I guess you should! Both of you are really smelly na"? And about your "dozen friends", i don't think their battery was low...they just don't wanna get in touch with you...because you're a crap! and it's obvious asswipe! stop pretending because you just got all those privileges by chance, if not by luck. And you're already bragging about it? Come on man! Grow up kiddo! ahahaha
mukha kang tanga sa bago mong entry! Ang bobo parang di pinag-isipan!
Tsk tsk. That's too mean. Ahaha. Yey Im first
I take it that you're the kind who uses a plethora of heavy drugs, because it is obvious that your habitual incoherent and mindless mumbling was a result of brain cell depletion.
d ka ba nagpareserve ng hp sa bookstores?
"Just bought lang saglit a sourdough bread at the Peninsula Hotel Bakery because everything was like discounted na."
You buy discounts now?!?! Pity.
Anonymous said...
"Just bought lang saglit a sourdough bread at the Peninsula Hotel Bakery because everything was like discounted na."
You buy discounts now?!?! Pity.
Honey, its pretty obvious why cofibean is rich and ur not. Mashado ka kasing poser. Walang masama sa pagbili ng discounted goods lalo na kung galing pa sa Manila Peninsula. Ikaw, kahit na kakarampot lang ang pera, pinipilit pang bumili ng mga mamahaling gamit (mamahalin nga ba?). Tapos after a few days, nangungutang na. Cofi is just being practical. That's why meron pa syang spare money for other luxuries. Hindi tulad mo na ubus-ubos biyaya, bukas ay nakatunganga.
Wow! May bagong update! *grins!*
Ang sarap mo sigurong kantutin sa mukha! Pag nakita kitang kakalat-kalat sa Ayala, grigripuhan kitang animal ka! Puki ka!
TAENA MO! SALOT KA! This is not what you call as a literary piece! Puro kagaguhan! PWE!
serious ka ba talaga sa mga pinaggagawa mo o sadyang ineexagerate mo lang lahat ng mga sinusulat mo dito? hindi kasi talaga ako makapaniwala na merong isang taong tulad mo na nag eexist sa mundo. kala ko ay pinatay na kayo lahat nung panahon ni hitler.
bakit nga ba punong puno ka ng galit sa mundo? pinaglihi ka ba ng nanay mo sa sama ng loob? lalake ka ba talaga? babae? o isang walang kasarian???
kanina kasi, habang binabasa ko itong blogspot mo ay hindi ko mawari kung anu ang iisipin ko. kung matutuwa ba ako o maiinis. pero sa totoo lang ha, sumakit ang ulo ko sa pag intindi. at lalong sumakit ang ulo ko sa dahilang naguluhan ako sa takbo ng mga pangyayari dito sa blogspot mo.
bakit mo kinakawawa ang kapwa mo pilipino? bakit mo sila tinatawag na orc e pilipino ka rin naman. sa tono kasi ng pananalita mo e pakiramdam mo na isa kang banyaga. bakit? mas mabango ba ang tae mo kesa sa amin? baka nga ang amoy ng hininga mo e sing baho na ng tae.
bakit natives ang tawag mo sa mga pilipino? wala ng bahag ngayon at halos lahat ng pinoy ay sa kapatagan na nakatira. lahat nasa syudad na. baka nga yung tinatawag mong katutubo ay mas magaling pang mag-english kesa yo.
sana magbago ka na habang hindi pa huli ang lahat. mabilis umikot ang karma. baka isang araw ay gumising ka na lamang na ang titi mo ay nasa noo mo na. ikaw rin. baka ipakulam kita sa lola ko.
magingat.
"fabolosa kalachuchi friends"
panibagong termino na naman mula kay cofibean!
"anga kasi all the people I invited eh. I remember texting a dozen of my friends and none of them replied back. Probably all of their fones are lowbatt na pare. Kasi I even called 3 of my friends, ilang rings lang then busy tones na agad. When I tried to call them again, cannot ba reached na.
too bad wala kang friends! wawa ka naman! :p
cascading thingie? LOL!!and puhleze, harry potter book? try reading a *REAL* book, it might help you --- A LOT.
bwahahahahaha. You didn't know when is the release of the much anticipated book? duh!! It was released on July 21st. You didn't made a reservation? Or even order in Amazon?
You say you got the money, why not use it.
Way to go cofibean. For those orcs posting comments thinking you're better than cofibean ... well? Think again. If you can't appreciate creative writing no one is forcing you to read. Stupid morons.
=) cofibean, your brand of satire is really refreshing. sure a bit on the extreme side but refreshing non the less. for the people who read this and react in vehement manners...chill lang. you can't take it? then don't read it, pure and simple. freedom of speech remember? we want to hear cofibean's rants...not yours ;) im yet to see the time that the comment pages would be more amusing than cofibean's article. unless you have something substantial to add, don't comment anymore (just stab the guy next to you). if you don't want to hear cofibean's sh*t, we sure as hell don't want to hear yours :)
Huh? Satire ito? This can't be a satire. I mean diba sa greek mythology lang yun? Kindly check your grammar dude. Yung satire yung nag nagtrain kay Hercules para maging isang hero.
Ang bobo mo!
Who would like to fuck a wet n' tight pussy? I'm a post-OP TS (transsexual) with a pHp700,000 pussy made in Miami, FL. My pussy is better than a real woman's pussy. Hindi pa laspag at alaga sa Lactacyd. Not like real women na amoy pa lang, mawa-WOWPAK ka sa asim ng amoy! E-mail me with pic. at trans_pussy@yahoo.com. you can also check my pussy pic in friendster.
I actually have a great idea on how to eliminate poverty in the Philippines. Why not collect every single Filipinos who are poor, put them in huge dump trucks, take them to a warehouse then torch them up? This way, we not only eliminate poverty, we also eliminate stinky, ugly and pesky rodents accross our beautiful country. Yes, I don't see them as humans, I see them as rodents who do nothing but multiply, shit on sidestreets and pester humans with their smell and mere existence. I believe that by killing them, we actually would be doing them a favor. We'll end their pathetic and useless lives. Rememeber, it's the quality of life that counts, not the quantity!
Haay!! Super uber gago naman the commentators here naman! Why read blogs that make you mad and then post the kagaguness comments of yours? I'm sure the gaguness commentators in this latest post are also those commentators in the previous posts. Meaning, they're also enjoying the reading of the postings of cofibean.... bwahahahah!!
Go cofibean!!!
after reading your entries... i wondered if you're a male or a female... or maybe a shemale? kasi para kang girl magsalita. so arte. but anywhooo, props for you! your entries are pretty entertaining. kinda mean, but it's a free country and with that, you are entitled of free speech... LABO PARE! haha! ingat and way to go kape!
i gotta give it to you man. i've been following your blog for some time now and boy, you really have a way of making people either like you, hate you or both. hmmm so where do i stand? i just take your posts as it is. i dont feel insulted that you refer to me as an orc sticks and stones may hurt me but your words will not. and lastly, i found this definition of satire from the web i hope you like it as much as i do... Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own" - Jonathan Swift... Ciao
"Huh? Satire ito? This can't be a satire. I mean diba sa greek mythology lang yun? Kindly check your grammar dude. Yung satire yung nag nagtrain kay Hercules para maging isang hero."
SATIRE is a kind of literary form... It is a literary tone used to ridicule or make fun of human vice or weakness, often with the intent of correcting, or changing, the subject of the satiric attack.
Read the definition muna bago ka mag comment.. Ok?
Cofibean, I really do enjoy reading your blog... Keep up the good work...
Such a weird guy...
^^
seryoso ba siya? kung oo, kakaawa naman siya.
uy, you made the correction: "ballet" to "valet" parking. but why didn't you show my comment correcting you? surely even conyos make mistakes. when you dish it out, you've got to be able to take it, no?
i've always found your creation provocative, though it's getting a bit old. it's similar to what baron cohen is doing with borat and prejudice. you have made fools out of everyone already. when will you reveal what all this is for?
sus masyado kayong mga seryoso mga paps! di naman kayo pinipilit magbasa bakit kayo nagrereklamo? kundi rin naman kayo mga isa't-kalahating lukaret e!
basta ako natatawa talaga ako sa entry ni cofibean. ibang klase talaga.
my gosh, cofi, why do you still approve the stupid comments of the baho orcs? its so irritating, if they hate you so much, why do they spend so much time reading your super long entry here pa?
gosh pare, cant you get the drift? your friends really doesnt want to have anything to do with you na, thats why you cant reach them you're blocked na pare. tsaka pare , its not class to have privilege card... when you say kasi privilege parang you're making tawad when in fact us rich dudes pare never make tawad pare... we flood the road with moolah and even buy people just to be good... and real classy rich people pare dont make api to their drivers... kung ibangga ka nyan?
nice blog. nice comments.
yey to cofi! :)
let the comments roll.
i am an ORC-
hear me roar.
i have been stalking your blog
since blurty.
hahaha
(you make me ROTFL)
gotta love that migraine boy.
parang mga gago pala yung ibang nagcocomment dito. tangina may disclaimer nga sa homepage parang di marunong magbasa. kung naooffend kayo wag nyo na basahin tanginang bobo orcs.
kill all the orcs
ayy,wtf, orc din pala ako heheheheehe
shit . . .
standing ovation cofi! love the comments, too. bobo orcs, learn to read disclaimers. :P
andami daming nagbabasa nagpapa-offend lang naman tapos parang tanga magco-comment ng masasama. napaghahalataan kung sino ang mga bobo sa mga taong marurunong eh. tsk tsk tsk! kung ayaw nyo mainsulto, edi wag nyong basahin! para naman kayong tanga eh. di ba nga sabi nila innocence is bliss? bakit mo gusto magbasa ng makakadegrade sayo kung ayaw mo rin naman palang may magdedegrade sayo. pabayaan nyo na lang kame!
anyways, way to go idol. :D
HEDWIG, FRED, MAD-EYE, LUPIN, TONKS, COLIN, BELLATRIX, SNAPE, VOLDEMORT, DOBBY DIES!!!
GEORGE LOSES AN EAR!
HARRY DIES BUT LIVES AGAIN!
(riiight)
aww, why do you delete some comments? i'd really love to read them all
HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD! YOU ALWAYS MAKE MY DAY COFI!
PURE ENGLISH?
So I shouted nga ulit at Hilariously Stoopid in pure english pare. I said na lang, "Are you natives ba planning to take a dip in the cascading thingie? Well, I guess you should! Both of you are really smelly na. I can smell you guys from inside ha! And believe me, its really shitty talaga!"
HETO NA NAMAN ANG SHOKWE. PANGIT KASING BAKLA 'TO
cofibeeeaan! you're back! <3 you're the best... ever. i'm a fan. ang galing mo talaga! potang mga indio 'yan. CHE!
Huh? Satire ito? This can't be a satire. I mean diba sa greek mythology lang yun? Kindly check your grammar dude. Yung satire yung nag nagtrain kay Hercules para maging isang hero.
Ang bobo mo!
bobo, hindi satire yun. satyr yun. hahaha!
guys guys! plz do not b entertained by too much incoherence. i just had 2 500mg mefenamic ponstan. orcs' fight na, hurry up!!! go go go!!!! fun fun fun!!!!
Ei cofibean, i'm an orc fan of yours. We're increasing in numbers na actually. Paano na ang blog mo kung wala kami? If ever ma-eradicate nga kaming mga orcs, mawawalan na talaga ng substance ang mga artikulo mo. Hehe. You are the one who are keeping us alive! Thank you so much. We're nothing without you. Keep it up! Mmmmmmmwwwwaaahhh!!;)
hehe marami nanamang badtrip sayu.. whatever!
so marunong ka palang maglakad papuntang glorieta from manila pen...buti di ka nadapa..sa nerbyos, dapat kinidnap ka na..hahaha!
hey asshole nice post pero i though youre uber rich ba? wala na bang lalabo pa sa picture? tangina get a dlsr shithead.
Goddamn... you people are suck dicks. Why take it personally? Seriously, if you're offended by anything written here, then why read? Nobody's forcing anybody. Read the disclaimer, fuckwits. Geez...
Anyways, whoever you are cofibean, I enjoy reading your blog. Funny as hell. You satisfy my inner "mapang-api" self. What a bitch. I love you!
I don't give a rat's ass if you make this up or not. Or if this is a satire, satyr or real-life drama. I'm too busy to try and read between the lines, I just know I love reading everything.
Tangina, and I thought nobody could get more annoying than my Lasalista coñotic schoolmates.
Update, bitch!
Yer clever && entertaining. But at some point, yer bein a pussy.
anak siguro ito ni Malu Fernandez or baka si Malu Fernandez itong writer na ito???!!!!!
this mata pobre cofi bean sure has a baduy side, drooling over Potter books?? read something with more substance. kaya your writing is like, koopal, pare.
and not having any friends to dine with? sure it's nielsen's dinner and all, but dining alone? that's just so saaaaad.
whether what you're writing is real or not, you need JESUS. all the riches of this world cannot buy you forgiveness for your sins. you need to repent, turn from your wicked ways and give your life to JESUS.
Cofibean.. Pautang 50 pesos.. Wala na kong mapakain sa pamilya ko... wahhh
fuck off social climber!
Putang ina mo dodong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! putang ina mo!
You crack me up. I LOVE YOUR BLOG.
pure english indeed. amusing, though. the pen's privilege card is a must and I'm surprised you got yours just recently.
you're kinda mean dude but i like your posts.
super.. idol na kita. :)
ang OA naman nitowwww...this is pure exaggeration...gawa2x lang ang blog na itowwwww....
"Huh? Satire ito? This can't be a satire. I mean diba sa greek mythology lang yun? Kindly check your grammar dude. Yung satire yung nag nagtrain kay Hercules para maging isang hero.
Ang bobo mo!"
satire |ˈsaˌtīr|
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical
who's 'bobo' now?
I agree that Manila Pen's food is nice. Everything's love. But nothing beats the ice cream and tiramisu.
well . . . .
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