Compared to Them, I Am a God Pare.

Ok pare, as usual, i was uber busy na naman for the past few weeks. I was coerced kasi by my stupid mom to support kasi my uncle who ran for Senate last election. I mean, it was pretty obvious naman na I don't like that guy tapos my mom was making pilit pa to support him. To hell with them both no. I don't like kaya how the natives conduct their politics here sa pinas. Its soo effing dirty. The vote shaving and padding was like really obvious na. Good thing, natalo that moron. Or else, for sure, he'll be bragging na naman on how galing he is pare. Just like my quasi-cousins who are all shallow. Empty nutshells talaga I tell you.. I mean, its waaay better pa talking to my uber cool self than converse with those fucktards eh.

Anyways, I was browsing gov.ph last week when I chanced upon this thread at the forum. Basahin mo na lang pare to fully understand why some politicians are willing to spend millions of pesos just to win a spot sa senate:

Interview with the effing cool Miriam Defensor Santiago.

Ok, enuff na with bs pare. Just wanna make uber bilis kwento lang on what happened for the past few weeks. Just recently lang, I've been receiving uber daming emails from people informing me of a certain blog thats been dissing my blog daw. Now, heres what I have to say - to hell with that tanginang kupal dude. I have no time to check the totally rip-off site of a major faggotron. I am a busy person pare. Let them adore me. Better yet, let them kiss my ass. They can never attain the level from which I can instantly access my kaluluwa. I mean, come on.. Admit it pare... I AM THE BEST! And besides, I don't talk shit.

So yun na nga diba. I spent almost half my week making bura some 200 comments of natives comparing me to that site. Aside from that, I've been an office-bahay guy lang. Been convincing my dad na nga to get a SOHO na lang for me. Para naman I don't have to deal na with a stoopid driver, some bobo native muchachas and the everyday trip to office while debating to myself if I should make agaw na the manibela from Hilariously Stoopid and try to earn some points by hitting some orcs making lipana around Makati.

Also, had dinner lang with Claude and Tim Yap last week at Serendra. So there.

Spidey is a Wuss!

Tangina pare! Spiderman 3 was a total disappointment. I've watched it last May 1 and how I wished I stayed home na lang that day than make pila pa along with the natives and orcs at the Mall of Asia. Good thing most of our katutubo store employees were all like nagkakagulo pa to kiss my ass so I asked na lang one of them to buy the ticket for me. So yun na nga diba? That was the first time I sashayed deep into that masa infested mall. Eto ka pare, I just learned lang that day that there's a Calvin Klein store pala at that mall. And it was really lapit lang pala to our boutique! The only dissapointing thing lang about their store pare is that their shopping bag is kinda substandard. The Stores Specialists, Inc. ad and promo head should talk to me to get some pointers on product presentation pare. I'm like really good at that kasi. My dad kasi invited pa Jane Werner from the Fashion Institute, New York last year to conduct a seminar for our boutique. So diba pare, I learned from the best thats why I'm like a master na rin when it comes to merchandising and retail operations.

So yun na nga diba, going back to the movie pare, I suggest for you to bring a box of tissue paper because the movie was made entirely for crybabies and losers! Tangina pare. Sayang lang my money for that crappy feel good movie. I mean, I think I know better than the creator of that film. I'm a collector kasi of Marvel comic books before and I even have an Xmen 1979 Christmas issue as part of my collection. And the hell talaga pare they did to the Venom character. They made him patay agad that soon! And whats with the flying sand pare? Duh! Sands dont have wings naman diba? So how come they are flying?!!! Shitty plot talaga I tell you. They are talking trash pare. I mean its all about love, forgiveness and other mushy crapolas. Tangina.. I enjoyed pa nga more my granola bar than the movie itself. Eto ka pa pare! I chose pa a seat that was infront of the screen so I was like point blank watching the movie and para walang natives to disturb me while watching. Tapos there are some part pa that they made patawa.. The hell talaga pare.. all the natives was like laughing na.. but not me pare.. HELL NOT ME PARE! I mean, I have good taste dude. And I know a good movie when I see one. And that movie was like tangina talaga. So kakainit ng head. And that Tobey Maguire guy was really irritating. Always trying to make pacute eh he's not even cute pare no. Specially when he made the pacool dance pare. Feeling cool runnings as in! My butthole is waaaaay cuter than him kaya. Really creepy pare I tell you. Good thing talaga I have my box of granola with me or else I'm already dead na pare. Because the movie literally bored me to death. So there.

Korean Invasion

Just recently lang I went to Big Buddha, GB3 with a friend to sample their food there. We ordered lang for the soft crab thingie and the Szechuan shrimps. The food was ok but not that great pare. Sayang nga eh, I forgot to ask for a comment sheet from them to at least let them know what I think of their food no. I should have told them that I am by far mas magaling na cook than their generic chef. Well, thats my opinion lang pare ha and I think I have the right naman to tell them that diba? I mean, I paid naman for the food I ordered so I might as well comment on it. Nothing lang pare. I felt kasi something lang was missing on the food I ate eh. So there.

After Big Buddha, we had coffee lang at Starbs near Cafe Havana where all the native pokpoks and chixilogs are making lipana. Hoping to catch some lasing ng foreigners who would 'do' them in exchange for some katutubo bucks. My aura got sira pa nga pare dahil most of the tables were taken na by the natives drinking free water or milk lang naman in mini cups. To think pare na I complained na before from the baristas that they should make tago na the cups to minimize some orcs from enjoying freebie drinks no. Kawawa naman kasi some paying customers like me na walang maupuan eh. To hell with the lazzaronis' pare! How come theres no racumin when I need one?

Eto ka pare! While enjoying my regular cup of chino, I noticed lang one thing - Makati was like punong-puno na of Koreans! As in everywhere you look dude sa Pinas. North, east, south, west.. It was like Korean invasion talaga! No kidding pare. Mamatay man Hilariously stoopid and all my maids together with all the orcs sa Makati. What's with pinas ba right now that we are being invaded na by Koreans? And then I figured, it must be with the boom of crappy Korean Telenovelas on local TV pare. I mean, those Koreans must have thought that they have a showbiz career here sa pinas so they are making padala na by batches their citizens here. Like, yeah right. Sandara Park where are you na ba?!


The pungent and yucky Kimchi.
To sum it up, I had an uber busy boring week pare that I'm noticing the Kimchi-eating chinks na.

Related articles:
- Inquirer.net's Korean Invasion
- Life Less Ordinary: Korean Invasion.

To Hell with Death

Shit talaga sa hassle pare. I mean, death really sucks. And bigtime at that! Just imagine, my fave uber cool tito who was really healthy and with no hint of lapit ng mamatay just died last month due to heart attack. I mean, of all my bobong relatives pare with whom death could choose, why pa my uber close tito diba? We have like daming relatives kaya who's near death na. Just imagine pare, I have sooo fucking many stupid na, kupals pang quasi cousins, plus pa the amoy lupa ng brothers and sisters of my late grandmama and grandpapa who are just waiting na lang for a roll call from heaven pero they somewhat managed pa rin to make kapit to their pathetic boring old lives no... Also, what about the fucking Hilariously Stoopid who cheated death last December lang. Tapos andami pang orcs na naglipana sa pinas. Why not one of them?! This is purely unacceptable pare... Eh why nga tito Archie pa was chosen? Its unfair. Fuck death talaga pare! It was like I'm watching Final Destination in the flesh pare. Been trying to figure nga the pattern eh. I mean, there must be a pattern diba pare? If Hilariously Stoopid cheated death, then my uncle must be the next one to die. And he died pare! Now, the fucking question remains... Who's next kaya? Shit pare.. I'm having goosebumps na just trying to decode the pattern. I played with my Tarot nga kanina just trying to predict who will die next eh. Pero I've only managed to test pa lang two of our native maids. And scary talaga the outcome, according to the cards... Tatanda pa daw those two bobo natives. Shit talaga.

Also, my 3rd degree uncle is running for senate. All I can say is.. Goodluck na talaga to the future of this country if manalo that guy no? I mean, the reason why I hate this country is because of corrupt people like him who did nothing but just papogi lang sa office. Kaya naman I'd rather die than vote this coming election eh. Don't want to take part in the patuloy ng paglubog of this lubog ng third world country no? Siguro, I'll just vote na lang if they really exert some effort to change the image of Pinas. If wala nako ma-sight na eyesore sa kalsada like the baho slum areas. I mean, I would vote for the candidate who have the balls to bulldoze those barong barongs to oblivion. Thats the candidate for you pare!

Well, if I am given a chance to handle the Commission on Elections (COMELEC) office, I would change na agad the very traditional way of voting here sa pinas. I mean, its pretty obvious naman na uber daming flaws ng native system diba? I think one best way to sort the best candidates would be to do it the cofibean way... Why not put all the senatorial candidates sa Bahay ni Kuya, Pinoy Big Brother style. And let the masses and TFC subscribers decide who will be voted out and who will remain as the big winners for senate thru text and vote cards. Then every week, there will be an elimination night to remove the most bulok from the candidates. Tapos their tasks would be to build/renovate as much schools as they can using the money they've accummulated through the years from the native taxpayers. I think kasi its about time na to educate the baho masa about things para I won't have to deal with another bobo native again. Kinda irritating din kasi at times eh. Also, once implemented... It'll be a lot.. and i mean A LOT cooler elimination process diba? Promises are boring pare. I think I saw one pa nga crying on TV. And that was really pathetic pare. A desperate measure to earn some pogi points from the masses. What the natives need right now are men and women suffering from an acute case of Hernia. As in, men and women with VERY HUGE BALLS pare! Of course dude, don't be so bobo to identify women with Huge Balls with the chixilogs (chix with itlogs) of Greenbelt and Makati Ave no! Action not words pare. Stop being a Filipino orc. And if that happens... Our country will be known worldwide pare because we will be included sa Guiness Book of World Records for the uber cool election ever held. I'm thinking big kasi eh. Unlike the politicians who are all just pangako.. And masasabi ko lang bout that is.. Uhm... Yeah right!

2007 Opening Salvo

Ok dude, I've lost my fucking atm just recently. So I need to rely on my credit cards to do most of my shopping for the past few weeks. And believe me pare, not having cash on your wallet is hard pala. And I thought I could rely na on my credit cards alone. So here are some updates on my life pare:

So yun na nga diba, since I hate celebrating birthdays, I stayed home lang and surfed the internet all day lang. Christmas din kasi last year was really boring. I mean, I got tamad na of spending it na naman with my cousins abroad. Nothing new naman with them eh, still the same kaasar na faces. All looking for a christmas gift from me. And besides, they visit pinas naman twice a year so why make siksik pa myself on their kadire houses that smells like cat-piss no. My stupid Tita kasi is fond of making her house a refuge for stray and abandoned felines eh. Kaya naman even her breath na smells like uber baho fufu ng cat. Tangina the smell talaga pare! So, I just emailed them na lang saying Merry Christmas no.

And since I don't have cash, I bought na lang greeting cards from Power Books that I sent out bago mag christmas last year. I mean, it's the thought that count naman diba pare, so I really can't figure out why the maids frowned when they got their christmas cards from me, eh they are the ones who wrote naman the generic messages on it. Really stoopid diba pare?

And speaking of stoopid people pare, Hilariously Stoopid escaped death. Tanginang matanda talaga that one pare. I mean, I'm beginning to think na he's like aswang or sumthin to be able to cheat death no. The hell talaga pare! I heard right now, he is recovering na. And syempre diba, inspite of that incident, my stupid mom won't allow me to drive pa rin my own car. She said, I'm too young pa daw to die!? What the hell was she talking about?! I'm very good na kaya at driving no. Damn! So right now, we are alternating from having Mang Dario in driving us around the metro.

Regarding the card incident, I think I lost it when I went to MoA a week before christmas pare. The place kasi was overflowing with baho natives that time so I was really busy trying to make iwas from bumping with even one of them. Hirap na to contract any skin diseases from them kasi most of them are like dripping na with masa juice and really smelly na that time. So yun na nga diba, I remembered trying to withdraw from an ATM there. Probably that is when I've lost my card.

My secretary told me that it'll take a about a week pa before I could get the new card so I decided to create na lang a new account because it'll take lang 3 banking days. And besides, my old account naman was fastphone enrolled. So why wait pa diba if I could just use phone banking naman to transfer funds from my old account to the new one. I called na naman their hotline to block my card in case some natives who got it tries to withdraw from it.

So yun na nga diba, I got na agad my card after 3 days lang so I enrolled it din agad to phone banking. But lo and behold pare, when I tried tansfering funds from my old account to the new one, I am getting a system error daw. Cannot complete the transaction because I am trying to transfer to an unenrolled account. I mean what the fuck was that all about? So I went back to the bank and confronted the new accounts orc. I told her the error and she told me that my account daw is for cash deposit only. And that I need to submit first a billing statement for them to be able to lift the restriction. And they are only accepting daw Meralco, Maynilad and PLDT! So I just insisted what if I try to withdraw na lang over the counter from my old account since its mine naman and I have naman my drivers license to prove it plus pa the new account I made with them. She told me that it was not possible daw and that I need pa to present an affidavit of loss to push through with the withdrawal... I yelled at her na lang to make her look tanga infront of the many people around us, "Huwaaat?! You should have told me that earlier when I enrolled for a new account. I'm not stupid you know!" The bitch looked at me lang then said, "What was your concern again sir?" Thats it! The hell talaga pare. I just told her na lang that my dad will hear about her stupidity and that we will pull out all of our accounts from them. Tanginang bitch! She ruined my holiday agad. Not to mention my aura was really irritated that time. Good thing I have like pinag-aralan no! Unlike her na bobo na stupid pa! Stoopid bitch!

And if you're going to ask how was my new year. Just forget about it pare.

So there.