It's vacation time na dude.

Ok pare, its official, I need to beach in with the guys way down under pinas. Kasi after all the scheck that happened, I really need some serious cleansing of my aura. Tapos sumabay pa the incident yesterday where Hilariously Stoopid went head on (again!!!) with my car onto a poste. Good thing my auto dentist was really good talaga to undo the damage. Or else, I swear talaga up to the old native's last hininga that I'll charge him for the damage. Of all the empty carparks along Greenbelt, why pa park B.F.E. (Beyond Fucking Egypt)! Why naman kasi up to now, wala pa roll call for the missing cast of Dead People 3 para matawag na my old katutubo driver no. Im sick and tired na rin kasi of him slowing me down pare. I think Im aging na nga eh. Pano na lang if theres no obagi?

So yun na nga diba. I was in Serendra pala kanina with Claude and Andrew, and puta pare, it was really crawling with unwanteds. God, kadire talaga the orcs. Hope they all transfer na to another bansa. Because they are seriously devaluating the chic value of the place. Fuck!

Well, i guess that's it muna for now, I need to call pa some chicks to invite for next week.

ROYAL MANCHESTER FIVE Scum bags!

Puta pare! I really wanted to kick this person's ass for the past couple of weeks. No matter how I tried to make linis my aura, I really can't pare. My energies are exhausted pa because I've been sending negative psychic messages to this shit. This fugly loser kasi stole almost 7 Million from my mom and 3 Million from my own account. So kapal naman the face diba?! I should have followed my gut feeling pare the first time I saw that guy! My stupid ermats kasi really made kulit that the company was legit daw and that some of her amigas are already earning a lot from the forex scheme. Then all of a sudden he disappeared agad like parang bula. The hell talaga! And the nerve of the fucktard to raffle pa BMW's at one of his parties, hindi naman pala his the money. Shit! Shit! Shit! To think na they are selling pa the tickets for 500 gran each ha and what made it worse pare, I bought two! Good thing I never told that to my mom or else she would think I'm also stupid like her. Im not stupid pare, Im just vulnerable diba. Tangina! His days are numbered na talaga dude! Because I already hired someone na to track this person down. I really can't wait to make sipa his face. Shit! Im kinda lugi pala, his face was sira na. Baka mainfect pa my foot.

Still, I swear talaga pare, once i'm done with this guy, he'll be begging to die na.

For any information regarding the whereabouts of this fugly thief, kindly contact the numbers below:

National Bureau of Investigation
NBI Building, Taft Avenue, Manila, Philippines
Tel. No. (+632) 523-82-31 to 38

Securities and Exchange Commission
Compliance Monitoring and Enforcement Department (SEC-CED)
Tel. No. (+632) 724-7650 or (+632) 727-2267

I'll end here muna for the meantime, i'll just go fix my aura.

ADDENDUM:

I'LL GIVE A GENEROUS SUM OF MONEY TO ANYONE WHO CAN SHOW ME THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE FUCKTARD ABOVE. EMAIL ME AT IHATECOFI@YAHOO.COM.

Baho Streets

Tangina pare the traffic last Friday! I mean what the fuck are they trying to do ba? All the streets are full of baho jologs and katutubos. Good thing I am inside my car or else I would have suffered death by baho. Lord knows naman that those jologs and katutubos don't make ligo no.

Also, what's with the ZTE Broadband deal ba. I think there's nothing wrong in having some vested interest at any deal pare. Admit it no, all people are corrupt. The saints are all dead or patay na! Also, stop the whining diba pare? Tutal this whole katutubo government thingie naman is a big joke. Why not let the Americans or other neighboring countries run our country diba? That is the only way to stop another corrupt native from bringing this country deeper into poverty.

Give it a rest dude. All this rally and traffic is really not good for my aura.

So ayon nga diba, it was really smelly and baho na at Makati so I decided to cancel na lang the appointment I have with Kimberly Hotel, Tagaytay. I'm inquiring kasi for a bachelor party for my cousin Dave. I think will just have it na lang at Peninsula. Can't stand kasi all the squatters tapping their fingers at my car. As if naman I care no.

I better go to bed muna pare... Im feeling a bit depressed kasi.

Splendid at Starbs

Tangina talaga dude the ultimate poser I've seen at Starbs greenbelt kanina. I was with Claude kasi making pakinig na naman to all the litany of the drama princess. The bitch kasi broke up na naman with her quasi-boyfriend. Eh my head pa naman was like really sabog because of the tons of business projects i'm drafting right now. So when she asked for my advise, I just told her to just have sex na lang with a dog no. Tutal she's a total bitch naman so it wouldn't make any difference. And besides pare, there's no difference naman between dogs and her native boyfriends. Shes after the dicks lang naman so it doesn't really matter if its an orc, a native or a dog. And the ingrata made simangot lang tapos made lambing na for me to treat her daw. And being the sweet friend that I am pare, I made pauto na lang so I got her free water by the cup. The hell no! Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, going back to my story dude, when I made pila na to order, lo and behold pare, there was an oily orc infront of me that was talking to another orc. Eto ka dude, speaking in loud dollars talaga! Kaya naman kumulo na naman my blood. Another balat mahirap trying hard to fit in at Starbs. I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa? Also, I even wondered why that oily orc is still alive pare. An old friend once told me kasi that Oiliness is next to Ugliness. Ugliness is next to Death. Therefore, OILINESS is DEATH! So why the hell an oily orc was still alive?! Ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid pare? Good thing I have my hanky with me so I made takip na lang my nose. Hirap na pare to inhale death no! So yun na nga diba? It was torture talaga dude listening to the boses-pekpek na voice of that oily orc... Perfectly matching the ridiculous pekpek-shorts getup. It was really disguting talaga pare I tell you. Not attractive at all. The only thing she was attracting are the flies from outside. As in!

Good thing one barista noticed me and asked for my order of double tall non-fat extra-dry cup of chino agad or else, I would have ran out of Starbs and transferred to Coffeebean agad with the crying Claude on the side. Eto ka dude, the oily orc made singit with her pekpek voice and made galit at the kawawang barista. Tangina, no rights pare! No rights at all! So I made tingin sama at the orc and said politely right in her face, "Excuse me miss, you don't look the part so spare the poor barista!" The bitch's face turned red tapos she went outside na. Right decision pare because Claude was at my side na or else she'll feel the wrath of the bitch goddess a.k.a Claude. Hahaha.

Eto pa pare, while waiting for our drink, another orc asked for some splenda from the baristas. Here's the scenario:

Orc: Meron kayong SPLENDID?
Barista: SPLENDID sir?
Orc: Yeah SPLENDID. Yung sweetener.
Barista: Ahhhh.. Splenda sir.
Orc: Yeah, that's what I've said.
Barista: okaay.

Claude: OMG! A whole new world? Shining, Shimmering, SPLENDID!
Moi: Zip it Jasmine. Hahaha.

December Update

Dude pare! Tangina! It has been quite some time na since the last time I posted an entry here at my online dicklit. The past few weeks kasi was major sa pagod pare. It was like really draining talaga the left and right galas and fund raising that my stupid mom FORCED me to attend. Tangina talaga dude the schedule that I had. Tapos my native secretary pa was like bobo in managing my time. Why naman kasi when the El Supremo made pasabog some katangahan here sa Earth, her katutubo mom ata was making sahod using some large basins eh. Was really itching na talaga to fire that native. Double shithead talaga pare I tell you. Kumulo talaga my blood just yesterday lang. Tama ba naman to approve an appointment at Alabang around 3 pm tapos my next sked would be at Quezon City at 3:30 pm!!! Shit talaga dude! I'm not like Silver surfer kaya to finish everything and still have time to travel to QC. All I have is an old hilariously stoopid driver which is lapit ng mamatay tapos bagal pa the driving skills. I mean, he can't even do the drift pare down Rufino towers.


Also pare, just kanina lang when I checked my friendster (ihatecofi@yahoo.com). Tangina, now ko lang na notice some baho orcs made some nasty comments on my profile. I mean, how lame was that? As if naman they'll change the idea that they are still stoopid for having such a no-brainer job. Here's a sample pare:

* ako
* Posted 12/27/2007 3:22 pm
* touche!

nice rants.... for an idiot who suffers from delusions of grandeur... :) try seeing a shrink once in a while kiddo... it could really help you get off those fantasies of porsches and shit... and unlike you, those stupid call center agents as you call em are contributing alot to our GNP inasmuch as they have somehow helped their families... :) but anyway, this is a free country... so, i'll respect your opinions on call center agents... ur ignorance (or should i say, mental incapacity) is beyond forgivable... but really, you should consider my advice on seeing a shrink... I mean, a session or two won't cost that much considering you mentioned that you take your girlfriend out for a ride on your porsche... :)

But anyway, I'm (surprisingly) glad to have found your friendster page... I find it rather amusing... cheerio... :) cough cough poser cough cough

Sino daw she called mentally incapacitated? I bet she was referring to herself dude. I mean, the "thing" or whatever she(?) is speak for itself. I rest na my case pare.

Btw,that came from this native orc named Precious... Yes dude, remember Smiggle/Smeagol/Gollum from LOTR? Yep, thats her pare. She's now here sa pinas. Go check her out! Precious a.k.a. Gollum on Friendster!


Also find some "latest" LOTR characters at my friendster profile pare --> http://www.friendster.com/cofibean. Of course im not referring to all the uber cool dudes and dudettes who made nice comments on my profile. Just the "mentally incapacitated" ones lang. As in -- Dai orcs! Dai!