2007 Opening Salvo

Ok dude, I've lost my fucking atm just recently. So I need to rely on my credit cards to do most of my shopping for the past few weeks. And believe me pare, not having cash on your wallet is hard pala. And I thought I could rely na on my credit cards alone. So here are some updates on my life pare:

So yun na nga diba, since I hate celebrating birthdays, I stayed home lang and surfed the internet all day lang. Christmas din kasi last year was really boring. I mean, I got tamad na of spending it na naman with my cousins abroad. Nothing new naman with them eh, still the same kaasar na faces. All looking for a christmas gift from me. And besides, they visit pinas naman twice a year so why make siksik pa myself on their kadire houses that smells like cat-piss no. My stupid Tita kasi is fond of making her house a refuge for stray and abandoned felines eh. Kaya naman even her breath na smells like uber baho fufu ng cat. Tangina the smell talaga pare! So, I just emailed them na lang saying Merry Christmas no.

And since I don't have cash, I bought na lang greeting cards from Power Books that I sent out bago mag christmas last year. I mean, it's the thought that count naman diba pare, so I really can't figure out why the maids frowned when they got their christmas cards from me, eh they are the ones who wrote naman the generic messages on it. Really stoopid diba pare?

And speaking of stoopid people pare, Hilariously Stoopid escaped death. Tanginang matanda talaga that one pare. I mean, I'm beginning to think na he's like aswang or sumthin to be able to cheat death no. The hell talaga pare! I heard right now, he is recovering na. And syempre diba, inspite of that incident, my stupid mom won't allow me to drive pa rin my own car. She said, I'm too young pa daw to die!? What the hell was she talking about?! I'm very good na kaya at driving no. Damn! So right now, we are alternating from having Mang Dario in driving us around the metro.

Regarding the card incident, I think I lost it when I went to MoA a week before christmas pare. The place kasi was overflowing with baho natives that time so I was really busy trying to make iwas from bumping with even one of them. Hirap na to contract any skin diseases from them kasi most of them are like dripping na with masa juice and really smelly na that time. So yun na nga diba, I remembered trying to withdraw from an ATM there. Probably that is when I've lost my card.

My secretary told me that it'll take a about a week pa before I could get the new card so I decided to create na lang a new account because it'll take lang 3 banking days. And besides, my old account naman was fastphone enrolled. So why wait pa diba if I could just use phone banking naman to transfer funds from my old account to the new one. I called na naman their hotline to block my card in case some natives who got it tries to withdraw from it.

So yun na nga diba, I got na agad my card after 3 days lang so I enrolled it din agad to phone banking. But lo and behold pare, when I tried tansfering funds from my old account to the new one, I am getting a system error daw. Cannot complete the transaction because I am trying to transfer to an unenrolled account. I mean what the fuck was that all about? So I went back to the bank and confronted the new accounts orc. I told her the error and she told me that my account daw is for cash deposit only. And that I need to submit first a billing statement for them to be able to lift the restriction. And they are only accepting daw Meralco, Maynilad and PLDT! So I just insisted what if I try to withdraw na lang over the counter from my old account since its mine naman and I have naman my drivers license to prove it plus pa the new account I made with them. She told me that it was not possible daw and that I need pa to present an affidavit of loss to push through with the withdrawal... I yelled at her na lang to make her look tanga infront of the many people around us, "Huwaaat?! You should have told me that earlier when I enrolled for a new account. I'm not stupid you know!" The bitch looked at me lang then said, "What was your concern again sir?" Thats it! The hell talaga pare. I just told her na lang that my dad will hear about her stupidity and that we will pull out all of our accounts from them. Tanginang bitch! She ruined my holiday agad. Not to mention my aura was really irritated that time. Good thing I have like pinag-aralan no! Unlike her na bobo na stupid pa! Stoopid bitch!

And if you're going to ask how was my new year. Just forget about it pare.

So there.

Hiatus Mode is Over!

Wazzup pare! Been in hiatus mode na for quite sometime. Been checking lang this site once a week na lang for the past few weeks because of my uber busy sked. Sorry nga pala to some cool dudes and dudettes if I wasn't able to post your nice comments ha? Been deleting kasi the comments by batch na because as usual pare, it has been abused na naman by some bobo orcs posting walang kwentang stuff like "Sinong my mom daw?" Yeah right, as if naman katawa their own rendition of "Sinong nanay mo?!" sound clip no. It was uber passe na kaya. Like long forgotten history na pare.



So yun na nga diba? It's nearing my birthday na naman. I'm turning 24 na! Like tangina talaga, parang it was like yesterday lang when I first started this blog tapos its more than a year old na pala. Well, Its obvious naman pare na I am a writer talaga diba kaya there are some people who are always trying to put me down. Like, talaga lang ha? You can NEVER PUT A GOOD MAN DOWN pare. I'm too fucking good to be true diba? There are some instances pa nga before na I've met some people telling me some stuffs like, "Kindly sampal nga my face pare, kasi you're sooo fucking too good to be true eh." Well, hell yeah! I'm like totoong laman pare. To hell with all the tanginang kupals who keeps on repeating na I'm not true daw. If I'm not true then who the hell is making all these blog entries? Don't tell me na you natives are really that bobo not to figure that one out. Thats soooo fucking stoopid pare!




Just a bit of trivia nga pala pare: I HATE BIRTHDAYS!

Ok, just an update lang no. My web site is still under development pa rin pare. The guys at Design Lab are really doing a great job in making all my kulit revisions come true. I will not disclose my URL muna para walang pampasira ng aura. Hirap na dude. Baka some bobo orcs will try to mess it up na agad eh its under development pa nga lang. Been thinking na nga of making my site password protected para selected lang readers of my blog. Its kinda private kasi eh. Not to mention na my blog is not catered to be understood by people with an IQ of flat 130130.

Also pare, I bought a new fone nga pala, the N73 of Nokia. Its ok na for everyday use. Nothing special really. Sayang nga lang that I bought it late November eh kalalabas lang early this December the Music Edition. Shit talaga pare! Sayang.

And oh, I almost forgot pare... Hilariously Stoopid nga pala was rushed to the hospital by Mang Dario (my mom's driver) yesterday. I think he was making hingalo na right now. Well, its about time na kaya pare. I mean, its not my fault that old native was soo fucking tanga not to secure the jack properly before fixing anything under the car. So there... bang! He was kinda pisak ata. Tapos the tanga maid pa who saw the incident made fun of it pa. Tama bang to call me pa and say, "Sir oh, look at Mang Hilario, he was joking na naman under your car." Like its her way of saying, "Oh, how cute naman Mang Hilario for making kisay under the car!" Now, was that playing stoopid or purely tanga lang talaga of her? Well, I dont want to share pa the details na pare. My blood is making kulo lang eh. And besides, I think it is God's way na rin of telling my mom na I dont need a driver na no.

You Want a Piece of Me?

Ok pare. I had it na with all the pakialameros who's been bombarding my blogs with how lame daw my entries. I think its about time for you to have a piece of me na. So to all the tanginang kupal who are making epal, here's to you pare:

THIS IS MY BLOG. A certified dicklit of a gliteratti from MAkati. And wala you all pakialam what I put in it. I never told you naman to visit me eh. So no matter how tamad I get in writing my post. Wala kayong say. Not now. And of course not in a million years no. Siguro the best that you could do right now to make pakamatay na lang. And since you always have naman an earphone connected to your head, why don't you make lakas na lang the head bang and try banging your head on your mumurahing monitor. Para its like basag na tapos you are making kisay pa. That way, you will do the world a favor pa pare. Kasi naman wala na tinik on their lives no. I mean, admit it dude, everybody hates you because you're a certified LOSER na, tapos ORC pa! And take note ha, you have the word loser all capitalized pa. Damn! I pity you pare. The hell talaga!

YOU ARE NOTHING. So please lang no. Don't act as if you're something na. All the katutubos I know were all employeed and never had the chance to become an employer themselves. Not even a katiting stint of entrepreneural spirit. So it is expected na for you baho orcs to stink. As in bigtime pare. The only thing you are good at is to kiss the ass of your foreigner boss.

Try bragging na lang if you are made na no.

STOP FROM BEING DEMANDING. This is my so called personal blog ergo my life pare. The reason nga I broke up with my girlfriend before is because she was making me sakal tapos you are reading lang my blog, you suddenly acquired na agad the right to demand on what I write. I mean, what the hell are you thinking ba? I know its obvious na you are all envious lang because I write what I feel. And you have all these restrictions pa on what you write on your blog because you need to use pa the spell and grammar checker of Microsoft Word before publishing. Tangina pare, you're so bobo kasi. I can't help it if I'm an excellent writer pare and I have this instant access to my kaluluwa so everything I wrote was really damang-dama.

Also, to all rushing me for my book. I'm still writing it pa. I turned down nga an offer from PSICOM Publishing because they are rushing me din eh. I hate being rushed pare. So please stop from being soo kupal and just wait ha. And regarding my website, Designlab is still developing it pa. I have so many revisions kasi pare. I have a creative mind din kasi so I have all these new ideas almost everyday to put on my site. I wanted everything kasi to be perfect no.

Yeah I guess that's it for now... all those in your face pare.

Buti pa this kid funny eh. Kayo kainis lang.

Chairman of the Bored

Ok, I'm officially elected as chairman of the bored right now because of the uber boredom I'm experiencing. And I really hate this pare! I mean, nothing in this pathetic life seems to amuse me anymore! And the thing pa that I hate the most is that nobody fucking gets me. I need pa to explain most of the time why I did something. Just like what happened kanina at the dinner table, my mom called me stupid na naman with some katutubos pa naman lurking around. I mean, did someone made lipat na ba the channel at our house? Kasi the last time I've checked eh it was the native drivers and the baho muchachas who were all stoopid tapos now, I'm the stupid one na?! The hell talaga pare! Good thing I'm not in the mood to do some rebuttals diba. E di dapat pahiya my stupid mom because what I did naman talaga was really not that bobo. I'm a lot better kaya than most people here sa pinas no.

Tangina! If only I have powers pare. I totally know what to do with it. Diba nga with great power comes great responsibility. Yeah pare! Its obvious naman na I'm a king in my past life. So its kinda inborn na for me to give orders and control lives.... Let the natives do the manual labor, I'm just here to supervise diba?!

The first thing siguro that I will do is to make-durog all the people who talks nonsense and who are very fond of themselves. They have no right whatsoever pare. They need to undergo some major overhauling pa to become like me.... near perfect. Probably I'll erase na rin all the orcs and baho natives because they are such an eyesore sa kalsada.

So there. Tama na siguro that for now pare, I need to recharge pa my aura from all the beating it got for the past few days.

Also, please add me sa friendster pare ihatecofi@yahoo.com and post na rin some testimonials. My testimonials kasi are kinda konti pa rin.

As in Putangina Talaga!

This is a classic example of an emotional orc. Enjoy pare!