You Want a Piece of Me?

Ok pare. I had it na with all the pakialameros who's been bombarding my blogs with how lame daw my entries. I think its about time for you to have a piece of me na. So to all the tanginang kupal who are making epal, here's to you pare:

THIS IS MY BLOG. A certified dicklit of a gliteratti from MAkati. And wala you all pakialam what I put in it. I never told you naman to visit me eh. So no matter how tamad I get in writing my post. Wala kayong say. Not now. And of course not in a million years no. Siguro the best that you could do right now to make pakamatay na lang. And since you always have naman an earphone connected to your head, why don't you make lakas na lang the head bang and try banging your head on your mumurahing monitor. Para its like basag na tapos you are making kisay pa. That way, you will do the world a favor pa pare. Kasi naman wala na tinik on their lives no. I mean, admit it dude, everybody hates you because you're a certified LOSER na, tapos ORC pa! And take note ha, you have the word loser all capitalized pa. Damn! I pity you pare. The hell talaga!

YOU ARE NOTHING. So please lang no. Don't act as if you're something na. All the katutubos I know were all employeed and never had the chance to become an employer themselves. Not even a katiting stint of entrepreneural spirit. So it is expected na for you baho orcs to stink. As in bigtime pare. The only thing you are good at is to kiss the ass of your foreigner boss.

Try bragging na lang if you are made na no.

STOP FROM BEING DEMANDING. This is my so called personal blog ergo my life pare. The reason nga I broke up with my girlfriend before is because she was making me sakal tapos you are reading lang my blog, you suddenly acquired na agad the right to demand on what I write. I mean, what the hell are you thinking ba? I know its obvious na you are all envious lang because I write what I feel. And you have all these restrictions pa on what you write on your blog because you need to use pa the spell and grammar checker of Microsoft Word before publishing. Tangina pare, you're so bobo kasi. I can't help it if I'm an excellent writer pare and I have this instant access to my kaluluwa so everything I wrote was really damang-dama.

Also, to all rushing me for my book. I'm still writing it pa. I turned down nga an offer from PSICOM Publishing because they are rushing me din eh. I hate being rushed pare. So please stop from being soo kupal and just wait ha. And regarding my website, Designlab is still developing it pa. I have so many revisions kasi pare. I have a creative mind din kasi so I have all these new ideas almost everyday to put on my site. I wanted everything kasi to be perfect no.

Yeah I guess that's it for now... all those in your face pare.

Buti pa this kid funny eh. Kayo kainis lang.

Chairman of the Bored

Ok, I'm officially elected as chairman of the bored right now because of the uber boredom I'm experiencing. And I really hate this pare! I mean, nothing in this pathetic life seems to amuse me anymore! And the thing pa that I hate the most is that nobody fucking gets me. I need pa to explain most of the time why I did something. Just like what happened kanina at the dinner table, my mom called me stupid na naman with some katutubos pa naman lurking around. I mean, did someone made lipat na ba the channel at our house? Kasi the last time I've checked eh it was the native drivers and the baho muchachas who were all stoopid tapos now, I'm the stupid one na?! The hell talaga pare! Good thing I'm not in the mood to do some rebuttals diba. E di dapat pahiya my stupid mom because what I did naman talaga was really not that bobo. I'm a lot better kaya than most people here sa pinas no.

Tangina! If only I have powers pare. I totally know what to do with it. Diba nga with great power comes great responsibility. Yeah pare! Its obvious naman na I'm a king in my past life. So its kinda inborn na for me to give orders and control lives.... Let the natives do the manual labor, I'm just here to supervise diba?!

The first thing siguro that I will do is to make-durog all the people who talks nonsense and who are very fond of themselves. They have no right whatsoever pare. They need to undergo some major overhauling pa to become like me.... near perfect. Probably I'll erase na rin all the orcs and baho natives because they are such an eyesore sa kalsada.

So there. Tama na siguro that for now pare, I need to recharge pa my aura from all the beating it got for the past few days.

Also, please add me sa friendster pare ihatecofi@yahoo.com and post na rin some testimonials. My testimonials kasi are kinda konti pa rin.

As in Putangina Talaga!

This is a classic example of an emotional orc. Enjoy pare!

Update lang Pare

It was an uber busy week for me pare. Sometimes nga I felt like I don't have a life na. Just imagine pare, my life was like making ikot na lang sa work and more work pa. Tapos Claude pa was always making kwento pa on how great daw Tim Yap for being such a nice boyfriend. The hell pare! As if naman I care no?! I don't even have a lovelife nga tapos she'll make me pakinig pa to some of her boring kwento no. I swear pare, if ever I get puno na of that kadire love affair, I'm going to say right in her face pare to fuck off talaga. Sometimes kasi, I felt I was being abused na for being such a good buddy to some of my friends eh. Its ok lang kaya to teach them a lesson or two for them to learn. Namimihasa kasi sometimes and they always tend to make asa na lang saken pare. I'm that lupet kasi eh.

Anyways share ko lang dude, my mom talaga is such a weirdo. She bought kasi a trampoline yesterday. I mean, what the fuck was she thinking ba? I'm her son kaya so she should learn na to give us some kahihiyan no. I just can't imagine my stupid matanda ng mom bouncing using that trampoline. Buti na lang pare she told us that it was for my quasi-cousins daw. The hell talaga pare! Buti pa my cousins, they got what they wanted from my parents, ako I need pa to make uto my girlfriend before to buy me yosi pa. Shit talaga! I'm starting to hate those monkeys na naman.

Tapos yesterday pa, some orc-like katutubos really ruined my aura at G4 pare. I went there kasi to buy the lean shake formula from GNC as a meal replacement and to buy na rin sana some undergarments from Armani. At the escalator going up, there was this katutubo who was really likot and from time-to-time making bangga na at my back. So I confronted him nga, I told him, "Are you bakla ba?!". I never thought pare na he was with his tribe pala. I think there are six of them who all turned to me because I confronted their kalahi no. Good for them pare, I'm an animal lover, because if not, probably most of them will go home all like patay na. So I just told them na lang na I don't make patol to bakla natives no. Good for them talaga.

So yun na nga diba? I've lost my gana na to continue on with my agenda yesterday. So I called na lang Hilariously Stoopid to pick me up kasi I need pa to replenish my aura. Fuck kasi those bakla natives eh!

Probably, I'll just buy na lang later.

Orc Spotting

Ok pare, I have some friends asking me na on how to spot daw ba an orc from all the uber dami ng tao here sa pinas. Its very simple lang naman pare diba? Below are 10 things you should know to spot an orc...


1. They are always making kumpol almost on all public places making loud kwentos to each other and making loud tawas while speaking to each other with English accent pa! Tapos when you look at them they are like very much natives pare. Complete with the balat mahirap pa.

2. People aboard some masa jeepneys and other public utility vehicles with their rather gaudy and obviously second hand ukay-ukay clothes. Tapos sticking out pa their latest got-from-the-bombays-as-hulugans celfones from time to time for all to see. Kaya naman most of them usually ends up all patay na from the tusok on the side they got from being held up. Lousy no?

3. People who are flashing their faux-brand clothing like Louis Vuitton, DKNY, etc. tapos making lakad lang together with their big bags containing their lutong bahay baons and everything-they-need-for-the-day-na-galing-from-haus-just-to-survive kit dahil they are making tipid to save their money pa to buy some mumurahing drinks from Coffee Bean or Starbs to look cool pare. Tapos when you try to stare at them for about ten minutes, some words starts na to magically appear all over their body no.. Words like "FAKE", "POSER", "ORC" and may complete phrase pa na "HEY! LOOK AT ME, I'M LIKE A FUCKING YABANG POSEUR NO!". Optical illusion? Hell NO pare!

4. People making tambay along sidewalks (i'm referring to makati, ortigas and QC business districts pare) and trying hard to look sosy by making hithit their mumurahing Phillip yosi. Very much looking like a bunch of crapolas if you ask me.

5. People with complete set of AM/FM stereos tapos making it tago lang inside their pockets para it would look something like an ipod pare. Tapos even though there's a loud music na sa place, they will try to wear pa rin their headphones and make headbang. Eh they are listening lang naman to AM balita no. The hell pare!

6. People wearing thick jackets even though its sooo fucking init sa pinas. Tapos when they try to make taas na their kili-kili to make the funk its like so dripping wet na with the baho masa juice.

7. People wearing uber kapal chin-chun-su foundation just to hide their panget faces and only goes out at night because they're afraid that the tanghali sun might melt their faces and reveal the kadire physiognomy underneath no. As in!

8. They live at the ipis and daga infested squalid part of the city. Places that the goverment should consider bulldozing na because of the pollution they generate and the low morality they teach their uber daming kids which are the future holduppers and kidnappers here sa pinas.

9. All the baklas and tivolis you see at night making pakalat-kalat at the business districts. Tapos they are making tingin pa with matching pagnanasa pare in their eyes. As in asa pa them no!

10. And they have this uncanny ability to irritate my aura. Its creepy and eery at the same time.

So there.