Splendid at Starbs

Tangina talaga dude the ultimate poser I've seen at Starbs greenbelt kanina. I was with Claude kasi making pakinig na naman to all the litany of the drama princess. The bitch kasi broke up na naman with her quasi-boyfriend. Eh my head pa naman was like really sabog because of the tons of business projects i'm drafting right now. So when she asked for my advise, I just told her to just have sex na lang with a dog no. Tutal she's a total bitch naman so it wouldn't make any difference. And besides pare, there's no difference naman between dogs and her native boyfriends. Shes after the dicks lang naman so it doesn't really matter if its an orc, a native or a dog. And the ingrata made simangot lang tapos made lambing na for me to treat her daw. And being the sweet friend that I am pare, I made pauto na lang so I got her free water by the cup. The hell no! Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, going back to my story dude, when I made pila na to order, lo and behold pare, there was an oily orc infront of me that was talking to another orc. Eto ka dude, speaking in loud dollars talaga! Kaya naman kumulo na naman my blood. Another balat mahirap trying hard to fit in at Starbs. I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa? Also, I even wondered why that oily orc is still alive pare. An old friend once told me kasi that Oiliness is next to Ugliness. Ugliness is next to Death. Therefore, OILINESS is DEATH! So why the hell an oily orc was still alive?! Ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid pare? Good thing I have my hanky with me so I made takip na lang my nose. Hirap na pare to inhale death no! So yun na nga diba? It was torture talaga dude listening to the boses-pekpek na voice of that oily orc... Perfectly matching the ridiculous pekpek-shorts getup. It was really disguting talaga pare I tell you. Not attractive at all. The only thing she was attracting are the flies from outside. As in!

Good thing one barista noticed me and asked for my order of double tall non-fat extra-dry cup of chino agad or else, I would have ran out of Starbs and transferred to Coffeebean agad with the crying Claude on the side. Eto ka dude, the oily orc made singit with her pekpek voice and made galit at the kawawang barista. Tangina, no rights pare! No rights at all! So I made tingin sama at the orc and said politely right in her face, "Excuse me miss, you don't look the part so spare the poor barista!" The bitch's face turned red tapos she went outside na. Right decision pare because Claude was at my side na or else she'll feel the wrath of the bitch goddess a.k.a Claude. Hahaha.

Eto pa pare, while waiting for our drink, another orc asked for some splenda from the baristas. Here's the scenario:

Orc: Meron kayong SPLENDID?
Barista: SPLENDID sir?
Orc: Yeah SPLENDID. Yung sweetener.
Barista: Ahhhh.. Splenda sir.
Orc: Yeah, that's what I've said.
Barista: okaay.

Claude: OMG! A whole new world? Shining, Shimmering, SPLENDID!
Moi: Zip it Jasmine. Hahaha.

December Update

Dude pare! Tangina! It has been quite some time na since the last time I posted an entry here at my online dicklit. The past few weeks kasi was major sa pagod pare. It was like really draining talaga the left and right galas and fund raising that my stupid mom FORCED me to attend. Tangina talaga dude the schedule that I had. Tapos my native secretary pa was like bobo in managing my time. Why naman kasi when the El Supremo made pasabog some katangahan here sa Earth, her katutubo mom ata was making sahod using some large basins eh. Was really itching na talaga to fire that native. Double shithead talaga pare I tell you. Kumulo talaga my blood just yesterday lang. Tama ba naman to approve an appointment at Alabang around 3 pm tapos my next sked would be at Quezon City at 3:30 pm!!! Shit talaga dude! I'm not like Silver surfer kaya to finish everything and still have time to travel to QC. All I have is an old hilariously stoopid driver which is lapit ng mamatay tapos bagal pa the driving skills. I mean, he can't even do the drift pare down Rufino towers.


Also pare, just kanina lang when I checked my friendster (ihatecofi@yahoo.com). Tangina, now ko lang na notice some baho orcs made some nasty comments on my profile. I mean, how lame was that? As if naman they'll change the idea that they are still stoopid for having such a no-brainer job. Here's a sample pare:

* ako
* Posted 12/27/2007 3:22 pm
* touche!

nice rants.... for an idiot who suffers from delusions of grandeur... :) try seeing a shrink once in a while kiddo... it could really help you get off those fantasies of porsches and shit... and unlike you, those stupid call center agents as you call em are contributing alot to our GNP inasmuch as they have somehow helped their families... :) but anyway, this is a free country... so, i'll respect your opinions on call center agents... ur ignorance (or should i say, mental incapacity) is beyond forgivable... but really, you should consider my advice on seeing a shrink... I mean, a session or two won't cost that much considering you mentioned that you take your girlfriend out for a ride on your porsche... :)

But anyway, I'm (surprisingly) glad to have found your friendster page... I find it rather amusing... cheerio... :) cough cough poser cough cough

Sino daw she called mentally incapacitated? I bet she was referring to herself dude. I mean, the "thing" or whatever she(?) is speak for itself. I rest na my case pare.

Btw,that came from this native orc named Precious... Yes dude, remember Smiggle/Smeagol/Gollum from LOTR? Yep, thats her pare. She's now here sa pinas. Go check her out! Precious a.k.a. Gollum on Friendster!


Also find some "latest" LOTR characters at my friendster profile pare --> http://www.friendster.com/cofibean. Of course im not referring to all the uber cool dudes and dudettes who made nice comments on my profile. Just the "mentally incapacitated" ones lang. As in -- Dai orcs! Dai!

Facial Foot Spa?

Tangina pare.. been itching na rin to write for quite some time now. Been busy kasi with lots of stuff lately. Tapos my aura was like drained pa most of the time because of the right and left stupidity of some of our employees. As in shit talaga!

By the way pare, just wanna suggest pala Chi, The Spa at Edsa Shangri-La. They have this uber nice na spa package which I availed yesterday - The traveller's retreat. So nice talaga the place and the treatment. The biodroga aroma *whatever-is-it-called-again?* wrap is a must pare! Sad thing Claude wasn't available na naman to enjoy the uber relaxing experience. Don't want naman to make libre Hilariously Stoopid that was waiting for me outside for a treatment. I mean, its only 6k pesos lang naman pero diba pare, im not that stupid to waste my money on another stoopid katutubo. They made my ulo soo sakit na nga at the office tapos I'll make libre pa. As in asa pa them pare. Siguro if my mood was good that time, I could have treated him pa for a foot spa sa face. As in! Tangina kasi naman the face of that old guy. I mean there's this cheap native chayote naman for instant face lift diba? Hehe. I remember kasi my yaya once cooked tinola while I was still in Baguio. Tapos she was making hiwa the chayote when I accidentally made hawak to the slices she made. And shit talaga the feeling pare. It was like the balat of my hands was treated with Botox with matching instant peeling pa! I was like crying talaga, so my yaya was like really taranta na that time on what to do. E I was like soo young kaya and beaming with innocence pa. Kaya naman when my mom called I told them that yaya made lagay lason sa food kaya it was sticky. And since I have a paranoid mother for a momma, she fired nga agad the stupid candy-ass maid and announced pa na I was like a hero because of what I have discovered. Hahaha. So funny talaga that scenario pare.

Also pare, I chatted recently at Yahoo chat (The Hot Tub) and shit! I think I have a cyberstalker pare! Below is a log of our chat:

You are in "The Hot Tub:3" ( Come on in for a soak [Notification: We are currently recording IP addresses of all Yahoo! Chat users.] )

Ihatecofi: Any hot chinita chick from makati for coffee tonight? Beautiful chinks only pls. NO maids, gays, citizens of Orcville and jologs! Males, FUCK OFF!

UglyBitch: Hi. Im a Filipina but not from mkti. Is it ok if im not beautiful. Just alluring. 27f/pque/CSR

Ihatecofi: No. Its not ok. Shoo!

ladylou4u joined the room
lincolncyfan joined the room

lincolncyfan: ANY FEMALES FOR CAM CHAT????

lincolncyfan: ANY FEMALES FOR CAM CHAT????

UglyBitch: Alam mo u are stupid. Dont you know that alluring is a synonym for beautiful? I am beautiful. Stupid.

Ihatecofi: You know what? You are the one who is sooo fucking stupid. Just because one is seductive doesnt necessarily makes her beautiful. You should go back to grade school and brush up on your english vocabulary. Now scram, you're messing my style.

sexxy_karina_750: hey guyz

UglyBitch: Really? No its not!@ I have a dictionary with me right now and it said here that alluring means beautiful.

Ihatecofi: Duh! Its not relative! Alluring is somewhat vague and abstract. And its meaning is limited only by pathetic orcs like you. So go pack your lame dictionary and get out from this channel.

UglyBitch: E TANGINA KA PALA SIGURO BAKLA KA! PIKON KA NA BAKLA KA PA! ANG PATHETIC MO! BAKA PAG NAKITA MO AKO MAGULAT KA NA AKO PALA ANG HINAHANAP MO!

Ihatecofi: I'm really sorry to burst your inflated katutubo ego, but I know what I want and ITS NOT YOU! And if ur not stupid, you'll get a hint na agad. Now I'm having doubts na nga if you are really a girl.

UglyBitch: BABAE AKO! Kahit tawagan mo pa ako ngayon!Bigay ko sau cp ko to prove that I am a girl.

Ihatecofi: Thanks but no thanks. The way you conduct your conversation suggests that your social strata is that of the native muchachas. I'd rather catch ebola and die than disgrace myself. So fuck off!

UglyBitch: Sige na nga my frog prince, i'll kiss you na lang and lets forget the fight. So, would you like to meet up with me?

Ihatecofi: Nutcase alert!

- End -

For Our Children's Children.. Tehe...

As in I asked myself literally pare... What daw she said?!

Shit Pare.. Sayang the Cars!

Claude called me yesterday to inform me about the Subic Bay cars. She made sabi lang that one of his tito daw owned one of the unclaimed luxury cars. I mean, why on hell would the government crush such precious rides? Are they insane na ba? I mean those cars when auctioned could sell for millions pa diba! It could even feed and clothe thousands of natives that are lurking the streets of metro wearing ukay ukay shirts lang. Tangina! I was like muntik ng mahimatay when I saw the video clip on youtube. My heart talaga was really aching seeing the BMW X5's and GTO sports car being crushed to zero ground level. I think I said the word shit a thousand times while watching the clip. As in shit talaga! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I remember asking my dad to call Commissioner Morales to at least save one of the remaining luxury cars para saken kasi my car was like sira na. I even heard kasi Congressman Suarez even offered 8 million for one of the luxury vehicles. E my dad was like richer naman than that congressman no. I mean, I've seen his collection of cars and its nothing fancy naman pare. My late Tito Archie has a nicer collection of muscle cars before sa California. I personally liked his 1965-1973 Classic Mustangs Collection. I wonder what happened na to those cars. I'll call nga my tita tomorrow.

Anyways pare, going back to the luxury cars. I was like making hinayang talaga to the thing they did to those precious rides... My aura literally left my body pare upon seeing those uber cool cars being smashed to like oblivion. Tangina! Are they blind ba pare not to see that those are priceless? Just one car is worth daan libong katutubo lives na? I mean, there are many squatter areas worth bulldozing dito sa pinas, why pa the cars? E diba nga mother earth is helping na get rid of all the baho masa by means of sunod-sunod ng storms here sa pinas. Shit lang talaga that the baho natives have power grips kaya naman its so hirap for mother earth to wipe 'em clean na eh. The gorvernment should read na those natural signs pare. Its about time na. I think they should divert na their attentions from being stupid into being matalino by putting an end to poverty. Its obvious naman kasi that the streets are flooded because of the filth these people generate everyday.. clogging most of the sewerage systems dito sa pinas.

Smash na lang those orcs to pieces. Wag lang the rides. Sayang kasi the cars eh.