It's About Time Pare

Shit! Can't help talaga but smile for the past few months on whats happening to the Pinas pare. The quasi-shortage of rice, the neverending gas price increase, the transfer of the controversial ZTE star witness as head of SSS, the supposedly billions of pesos katutubo/masa funds and the unstoppable growth of the orc community (May gathering ba pare?). Im waiting na nga lang for a "For Sale" sign that they will make sabit sa Malacañang. Hopefully pare, U.S. will jump at the opportunity of buying it to save the natives from further bouts of katangahan. It's pretty obvious naman kasi pare na the crisis are all made up stories lang to hide something diba? And I'm not going to elaborate more pa pare. Its about time for you to use naman your noggins. Sayang kasi ur small na, pea-sized brain pa inside if unutilized. Baka kasi mabulok pa.


So ayon na nga diba... The only good thing I'm seeing from all these is the fact that all the burdens are shouldered by the baho natives. They are starting to feel the stress na of leaving this country to work as slaves of other bansas. Typical pare. Katutubos are synonymous to muchahos, muchachas, Dh, orcs and contruction workers. My tito told me that there are lots of opening abroad for those jobs. So that would mean, it'll save pinas a couple of hundred thousands of natives to feed. Meaning, bawas the quasi-rice shortage. Hehe. By the way, hope the price of gaso would reach 100 bucks per liter para bawas na rin the traffic. So dami kasing obsolete cars sa kalsada that needs pahinga na.

Also, some fucktards hijacked my friendster and yahoo account before. Hope you guys drop dead na no. You know who you are. Thats really not cool pare. Hope you all make pakamatay na. Good thing I have a paid yahoo account so they changed my password immediately.

Anyway, I'll like go na muna. I'm going to buy something lang at Rockwell for my date later. No press releases na muna for now pare. I'll share next time na lang.

It's vacation time na dude.

Ok pare, its official, I need to beach in with the guys way down under pinas. Kasi after all the scheck that happened, I really need some serious cleansing of my aura. Tapos sumabay pa the incident yesterday where Hilariously Stoopid went head on (again!!!) with my car onto a poste. Good thing my auto dentist was really good talaga to undo the damage. Or else, I swear talaga up to the old native's last hininga that I'll charge him for the damage. Of all the empty carparks along Greenbelt, why pa park B.F.E. (Beyond Fucking Egypt)! Why naman kasi up to now, wala pa roll call for the missing cast of Dead People 3 para matawag na my old katutubo driver no. Im sick and tired na rin kasi of him slowing me down pare. I think Im aging na nga eh. Pano na lang if theres no obagi?

So yun na nga diba. I was in Serendra pala kanina with Claude and Andrew, and puta pare, it was really crawling with unwanteds. God, kadire talaga the orcs. Hope they all transfer na to another bansa. Because they are seriously devaluating the chic value of the place. Fuck!

Well, i guess that's it muna for now, I need to call pa some chicks to invite for next week.

ROYAL MANCHESTER FIVE Scum bags!

Puta pare! I really wanted to kick this person's ass for the past couple of weeks. No matter how I tried to make linis my aura, I really can't pare. My energies are exhausted pa because I've been sending negative psychic messages to this shit. This fugly loser kasi stole almost 7 Million from my mom and 3 Million from my own account. So kapal naman the face diba?! I should have followed my gut feeling pare the first time I saw that guy! My stupid ermats kasi really made kulit that the company was legit daw and that some of her amigas are already earning a lot from the forex scheme. Then all of a sudden he disappeared agad like parang bula. The hell talaga! And the nerve of the fucktard to raffle pa BMW's at one of his parties, hindi naman pala his the money. Shit! Shit! Shit! To think na they are selling pa the tickets for 500 gran each ha and what made it worse pare, I bought two! Good thing I never told that to my mom or else she would think I'm also stupid like her. Im not stupid pare, Im just vulnerable diba. Tangina! His days are numbered na talaga dude! Because I already hired someone na to track this person down. I really can't wait to make sipa his face. Shit! Im kinda lugi pala, his face was sira na. Baka mainfect pa my foot.

Still, I swear talaga pare, once i'm done with this guy, he'll be begging to die na.

For any information regarding the whereabouts of this fugly thief, kindly contact the numbers below:

National Bureau of Investigation
NBI Building, Taft Avenue, Manila, Philippines
Tel. No. (+632) 523-82-31 to 38

Securities and Exchange Commission
Compliance Monitoring and Enforcement Department (SEC-CED)
Tel. No. (+632) 724-7650 or (+632) 727-2267

I'll end here muna for the meantime, i'll just go fix my aura.

ADDENDUM:

I'LL GIVE A GENEROUS SUM OF MONEY TO ANYONE WHO CAN SHOW ME THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE FUCKTARD ABOVE. EMAIL ME AT IHATECOFI@YAHOO.COM.

Baho Streets

Tangina pare the traffic last Friday! I mean what the fuck are they trying to do ba? All the streets are full of baho jologs and katutubos. Good thing I am inside my car or else I would have suffered death by baho. Lord knows naman that those jologs and katutubos don't make ligo no.

Also, what's with the ZTE Broadband deal ba. I think there's nothing wrong in having some vested interest at any deal pare. Admit it no, all people are corrupt. The saints are all dead or patay na! Also, stop the whining diba pare? Tutal this whole katutubo government thingie naman is a big joke. Why not let the Americans or other neighboring countries run our country diba? That is the only way to stop another corrupt native from bringing this country deeper into poverty.

Give it a rest dude. All this rally and traffic is really not good for my aura.

So ayon nga diba, it was really smelly and baho na at Makati so I decided to cancel na lang the appointment I have with Kimberly Hotel, Tagaytay. I'm inquiring kasi for a bachelor party for my cousin Dave. I think will just have it na lang at Peninsula. Can't stand kasi all the squatters tapping their fingers at my car. As if naman I care no.

I better go to bed muna pare... Im feeling a bit depressed kasi.

Splendid at Starbs

Tangina talaga dude the ultimate poser I've seen at Starbs greenbelt kanina. I was with Claude kasi making pakinig na naman to all the litany of the drama princess. The bitch kasi broke up na naman with her quasi-boyfriend. Eh my head pa naman was like really sabog because of the tons of business projects i'm drafting right now. So when she asked for my advise, I just told her to just have sex na lang with a dog no. Tutal she's a total bitch naman so it wouldn't make any difference. And besides pare, there's no difference naman between dogs and her native boyfriends. Shes after the dicks lang naman so it doesn't really matter if its an orc, a native or a dog. And the ingrata made simangot lang tapos made lambing na for me to treat her daw. And being the sweet friend that I am pare, I made pauto na lang so I got her free water by the cup. The hell no! Hahaha. So yun na nga diba, going back to my story dude, when I made pila na to order, lo and behold pare, there was an oily orc infront of me that was talking to another orc. Eto ka dude, speaking in loud dollars talaga! Kaya naman kumulo na naman my blood. Another balat mahirap trying hard to fit in at Starbs. I mean, wala na ba nescafe and free hot water at 7-11 for them to invade my space pa? Also, I even wondered why that oily orc is still alive pare. An old friend once told me kasi that Oiliness is next to Ugliness. Ugliness is next to Death. Therefore, OILINESS is DEATH! So why the hell an oily orc was still alive?! Ever heard of beta-hydroxy acid pare? Good thing I have my hanky with me so I made takip na lang my nose. Hirap na pare to inhale death no! So yun na nga diba? It was torture talaga dude listening to the boses-pekpek na voice of that oily orc... Perfectly matching the ridiculous pekpek-shorts getup. It was really disguting talaga pare I tell you. Not attractive at all. The only thing she was attracting are the flies from outside. As in!

Good thing one barista noticed me and asked for my order of double tall non-fat extra-dry cup of chino agad or else, I would have ran out of Starbs and transferred to Coffeebean agad with the crying Claude on the side. Eto ka dude, the oily orc made singit with her pekpek voice and made galit at the kawawang barista. Tangina, no rights pare! No rights at all! So I made tingin sama at the orc and said politely right in her face, "Excuse me miss, you don't look the part so spare the poor barista!" The bitch's face turned red tapos she went outside na. Right decision pare because Claude was at my side na or else she'll feel the wrath of the bitch goddess a.k.a Claude. Hahaha.

Eto pa pare, while waiting for our drink, another orc asked for some splenda from the baristas. Here's the scenario:

Orc: Meron kayong SPLENDID?
Barista: SPLENDID sir?
Orc: Yeah SPLENDID. Yung sweetener.
Barista: Ahhhh.. Splenda sir.
Orc: Yeah, that's what I've said.
Barista: okaay.

Claude: OMG! A whole new world? Shining, Shimmering, SPLENDID!
Moi: Zip it Jasmine. Hahaha.